welcome, dammit!

hey my man, what it look like?

welcome to mind mind, motherfuckers. me llamo alex. when i refer to myself in the third person, i may call myself chris.alexander. that’s my when-i’m-famous name. my i’m-so-much-better-than-you-i-need-TWO-damn-names name. chris.alexander is my online alter-ego, the gregarious, loud, disrespectful, hoodrat murkin’ black boy so many people know and love. i hate cauliflower and carrots. i’m currently located in a war-zone in brooklyn known as the Heights of Crown, by way of virginia. i actually think “by way of” is a pretty dumb phrase, but that’s what people say, so fuck it. i moved to this nutjob-filled city to dance, grow the hell up, explore (in every sense of the word) and begin my path to world domination,  in whatever avenue i choose. i eat red meat and that swine and sometimes sleep with my eyes open. i’m a bookwhore and a music junkie. bookstores (barnes and noble, not that god-awful borders) are my favorite place in the world. and i fuck on the first date….not really…i kid, i kid.

things like this:

bring me endless joy. i’m a bit of a jerk when i want to be. sue me. 

i don’t have a real format to speak of…so i can’t really classify this as yet another celebrity blog, gossip blog, or anything of the sort. i can’t say anything about the latest hoodrat-turned quasi-celebrity to have 3 kids by 5 different losers that hasn’t been said on fifty-leven other blogs. i just wanted/needed another place to ramble. basically, through reading this blog, you’ll see the world the way i see it…through my rantings, vicious love-filled attacks, verbal throatchops, recommendations, and praise you will come to learn what makes me tick, smile, and/or vomit. i aim to share my unique brand of humor with the masses…crushing idiots, hoodrats, dickfaces, and self-proclaimed niggers in the process.

this is my first non-myspace blog, so every post will be a learning experience. i am currently toying with all the features the nice white people on the testimonials page praised so much, so expect frequent changes as i figure out what i like, dislike, and despise, graphically.

here’s what i was just about to write: “i am the hardest person to offend so please speak freely here…”. but that’s a lie. and i can’t start off on the wrong foot, now can i? i figure this is where i should lay down the ground rules around here.

1. this is an ashanti-free zone.

my antidrug.

my anti-drug.

this “woman” (if she can even biologically be considered that) destroys my soul kind of in the same way a violent repulsion for soap, shampoo, and food not found in dumpsters destroys T-Pain’s “soul”. she is the embodiment of nontalent, and needs to be destroyed. her mother should have been neutered (as opposed to spayed)…and is yet another example of my pro-abortion stance…more on this later…she’s a goddamn succubus and i’ll pay five pesos to the first person to deliver her testicles to me. so keep her name to a minimum unless prefaced by “ooooooh, alex, i’ve discovered a way to de-fang that beast…” or something equally intriguing. thanks.

2. know that T-Pain, BET,  soulja boy, r. kelly and akon are all synonyms for fucking horrible, wretched abomination, that which causes blindness/deafness, tumor, busted condom or failed abortion…atleast on these pages.

3. coonery is cause for immediate extermination.

 

 other than that…anything goes here (except positive commentary on anyone mentioned in #1 or #2). expect the unexpected. curse out loud. throatchop the next hoodrat you see for me. do it till you’re satisfied. and so forth.

again, welcome to my world. let’s get acquainted with each other…show me your’s and i’ll show you mine…shit like that.

thanks for stopping by, dammit.

love, peace, and death to ashanti.

~chris.alexander

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7 responses to “welcome, dammit!

  1. PrettyBrownGirl

    I love it. This is so YOU! Pure and unadulterated. Carry on, young niglet. Carry on.

    (((hugs))),
    Auntie

  2. Love it!

  3. Hey Alex. We’re both branching out, I see. Great. I included your myspace page on my blogroll, but I’ll definitely add this one too.

    Luv ya, mista.

  4. Uh some please tell me why wordpress is hatin on my comment…grrrr

    Luv ya, mista.

  5. Congrats! Miss you guy! It was good hearing from you. Keep it up! Here’s the clear vision and huge ambition!

  6. So messy! & I absolutely love it. LMAO @ the “Ashanti Free Zone” OK! Too much! Good luck with the page..I’ll be visitinggg! ❤

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