Monthly Archives: May 2008


so…here is the second video for kanye’s “flashing lights.” pure creativity. several hip hop boards were flooded with “wtf kanye” and “i dun get it” and “wut duz dis hav to do wit de song” and other brilliant things like that.

i heart this vid, however.

flashing lights



three years.

a double post from myspace.

i can recall being sprawled out on the floor three years ago this morning with the worst stomach pains i’ve ever felt. i can recall exactly how it felt to have both a monstrous migraine and what feeled like a stomach filled with fire…combined with the most limiting musle stiffness/achiness i’ve ever experienced…three years ago today.

what started out with flu-like symptoms actually turned out to be my diagnosis with systemic lupus erythematosus, more commonly known as lupus. most people i encounter either have never heard of lupus, or are clueless as to what it is. i, on the other hand, was well-versed on the disease…my mother also suffers from lupus. upon diagnosis, the tears that flowed were mainly because of my only reference to the disease was my mother’s bitter battle. frequent hospital visits, numerous physical limitations, endless surgeries, nagging joint pain, and extreme fatigue instantly came to mind. i feared that this was my future as well. dreams of dancing instantly vanished. that moment was then followed by the most formative, influential days, weeks, and months of my life. i’m undeniably a different person based on these experiences….

for those that aren’t informed:

systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is an auto-immune disease. so, imagine the force and effort your immune system exerts when fighting colds, germs, bacteria, infections, etc. well, when lupus is active in one’s body, your body exerts that same force to attack itself’; the immue system can’t differentiate between good, necessary organisms (organs and such) and invading organisms. in my case, my lungs, kidneys, heart and brain were attacked. it causes swelling of the joints, extreme fatigue and muscle atrophy. as was the case with me, diagnosis is often difficult. lupus is known as “the great imitator”, because its symptoms mimic those of other illnesses. as with many other diseases, one must exhibit certain symptoms simultaneously. otherwise, it’s often mistaken for the flu. with my mother’s suggestion, i was tested for lupus in january 2005, but heard nothing of the results until my diagnosis in may of that year, when i went into the emergency room vomiting excessively and exhibiting what appeared to be flu-like symptoms. one may also experience anemia (as i eventually did), lung inflammation (check), and renal failure (double check). there is no cure for lupus. it’s treated in a variety of ways. numerous forms of chemotherapy are often used to control the disease’s spread. i underwent six months of cytoxan therapy, which is one of the less-harsh treatments one can receive. while my reaction to this chemical got worse as time passed, my experience was pleasant overall compared to stories i’ve heard. i only lost six locs during this process. my biggest gripe was probably the side-effects from prednisone. a vicious, but necessary steroid. a swollen face, monstrous appetite, hyper-active kidney function, frequent migraines, sleepless nights, altered heartbeat, nightsweats, and accelerated hair growth. and later….intense paranoia. i didn’t realize THIS until months after the fact. prednisone is no joke.

conversely, discoid lupus solely affects the skin. it results in inflammation, scarring, hair loss, etc. while SLE attacks the internal organs, discoid lupus causes the immune system to attack normal skin cells. this can lead to bruising and blotches on the skin. contrary to the story he may tell the public, discoid lupus caused the intense scarring on singer Seal’s face. discoid lupus may be evidenced by what’s known as a “butterfly rash.” simply put: a mark that often resembles a butterfly that usually appears on the face, neck, or scalp. my sister noticed this on her neck a few years ago, but, thankfully, exhibits, no other symptoms. discoid lupus has no major affect on overall health, as other organ systems are attacked.

my mother suffers from both forms of lupus. external and internal illness. and that was my fear. i’ve gained incredible insight from experiencing this with her. it brought us closer in ways few other things could. i don’t have the energy to rehash alllllllllllllll the ways ive changed since then, but each year since diagnosis, i honor and voice appreciation of her strength. without her example i don’t doubt that i would have died in the midst of that struggle. seriously. her guilt for my pain was apparent to all, and i do my best to show my love and support of her everyday.

i’ve shared my experiences in detail previously, here.

when speaking on this with others, i’ve referenced michael jackson, who, contrary to popular belief, was diagnosed with lupus in 1984. i’m not sure if he suffers from SLE or discoid lupus. regardless, i promised myself that i’d get involved with the lupus foundation of america in some fashion this year. months ago i corresponded with a chairman via email to allow me to speak at a few meetings or events about my journey with lupus. hopefully that materializes because i’m certain my tale could provide insight and hope to other sufferers. i encourage all of you to get educated on the disease, as you may know someone who is affected by it and chances are that you’re clueless as to the extent of their struggle.

a few resources:


Lupus Factsheet

Lupus Now

Lupus on Wikipedia

Lupus Foundation Facebook Group

as seems to to be the case each year on this day, i’m unusually emotional. near-death experiences will do that to you i suppose. i’m thankful to even be here to write this. i’m thankful for mobility, which some with lupus don’t have. i’m thankful for the dopest mom in the world, who continues to fight daily. despite being sick and/or tired more often than not, mom wears the biggest smile and makes sure the world is taken care of. she’s a fucking superhero. so don’t fuck with me or i’ll have my mom dig in that ass, mmkay? lol

i’m off to reflect, write, and live life.

have a dope day.


things that make me happy.

mom is going on tour. and we shall be in vancouver for opening night. and my dick just dripped.

and a pig just flew past my window.

the first five released cities and dates:

September 10 — Vancouver, BC — GM Place
September 29 — Montreal, QC — Centre Bell
October 13 — Toronto, ON — Air Canada Centre
October 15 — Washington, DC — Verizon Center
October 17 — East Rutherford, NJ — Izod Center

More dates to come.

are you ready?

i demand an explanation.

can someone PLEASE tell me what the FUCK kinda name is….


dining out with friends the other night, when we received the bill, we saw that our waiter’s name was…. Davonald. i dont get it.

and…i need answers.

a formal request

can someone please stab this fool in the top of her head?

wardrobe by Deb and Forever 21, really?

heal the world. make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race. just a quick slice of the hand.

i’ll pay you $10.50 and a 12 pack of RC Cola.


something to ensure you have sweet dreams…

because i’m such a nice fucking person (on weekends i melt pennies so the neighborhood niglets can have copper grillz, just like their favorite trill ass, hood ass rappers. word up mah dude…?), i want to make sure that your dreams are as sweet and pleasant as mine are about to be.

how, you ask?

(don’t doubt me bitch)

with THIS:

she’s your queeeeeeeeen to beeeeeeeeee….

found during a random google images search

now. doesn’t that make you feel all angelsoft inside?

have a beautiful night.

HATE is such a strong word….

…but i HATE the fact that fuckface’s mother missed her abortion appointment 26 years ago.

i’m attempting to move this week. hasn’t been as smooth a process as i would like. as i said before, Alex is a horrible procrastinator. like…pitifully so. THAT, my beloved nutsacks and bleeders, is my tragic flaw. (dramatic sigh) all of this frustration is multiplied by the fact that fuckface (the crackish college student/dancer/dickwarmer) that I rent from is FINALLY back from college. my goal was to be gone before he showed his night terror-inducing mug around these parts. again, i was already convinced my first week here that we could not occupy the same space.

and he proved my theory correct. again. lemme splain.

(cue dream sequence music )

after days of endlessly searching craigslist, the internet, and EVERY classified ad printed in the state of new york in hopes of finding a new apartment, i spent the entire night packing and bullshitting on the computer. awake. not sleep. i had an early appointment to view a place and figured i could work best if i just…went straight through the night. no biggie. morning came. still awake. saw the place, LOVED it. the other two roommates are dancers. the apartment is two blocks from where my father grew up. the block was quiet, clear, and consisted mainly of 2-4 family houses. no crackheads in sight. no public lover’s quarrels. no stray cats meowing in agony for hours on end. no pissy hallways. the TOTAL opposite of my current environment, where I avoid doped out, toothless jamaicans and duck insurgent missiles. AYE COÑO!

the apartment definitely falls within my price range…and….the guy who’s room i’d be occupying…is…muy fuckable very cool. we spoke for a while: he’s also from virginia, also a dancer, also thinks that living near white people = safety. we totally clicked, i thought. and i could see myself in this space for a few months.

upon departing, i got that whole “well i have two other people coming to see the place, so i’ll let you know by friday” thing. whatevers. who else SHOULD have that room, but ME!?!??

anywho, after that, dealing with incompetent islanders at Uhaul, more incompetency and blatant miscommunication at the storage facility, and being awake for thirty hours, all i wanted to do is sleep.

i circled the block fifty-leven times looking for a spot for this stupid ass Uhaul truck. then died in bed for a few hours.

THIS fothermucker comes in just as i awoke, tombout:

“so….yea. the apartment people are coming tomorrow morning to inspect the apartment between 10 and 12:30. and….nobody can be here. so…”

sidenote: my room is STILL full. the moving just DIDN’T happen today.

“are you going to help me move before ten…..?”



and i rolled back over to sleep.

(end scene)

then i jumped up to write this.

i hate HATE hate this dude, y’all. and to make myself feel better, i think i shall play ashanti in his room while he sleeps.

so i can melt his brain.

….this just popped into my head: mother, may i shoot him in the face??

that made me chuckle.

i’m over this day. i’m going back to snore.