Monthly Archives: August 2008

small update.

as i prepare to run out the door and be faced with the fuckery that is the MTA train system (on a weekend) i felt compelled to update you on something. A few days ago I debated over whether or not Little Miss Sunshine (the miserable black girl I work with) was wearing a wig or not (swoop bang, chunk highlights and straw curls?!!?)



madame sho-nuff has frosted flakes in her head. wigs don’t have dandruff.

the end.

okay. off to work.


folks. knifes. spunes.

….day 4 of the US Open complete. my body hates me. i imagine that by sunday, i’ll be an actual zombie. had a rough, yet lucrative day….including serving guests from the southeastern region of Hell. long story. later for that…

before i cheat myself with 4.5 hours of sleep I must give thanks to Pops, the irate dishwasher, who screamed and caused countless scenes when ANYONE (managers included) tossed dirty silverware in the wrong bins, which he had conveniently labeled as FOLKS, KNIFES, and SPUNES, respectively. and i love him for that. that damn old man and his constant reminders that “[he] just CLEANT a whole burnch of damn glasses. and [we] is using them too damn fast,” MADE my fothermucking day.  forreal forreal. thanks old man.
good night.

who? what? where? when? and why the fuck?

i am beyond tired right now. in fact, i can feel each of my vital organs shutting down (there went the spleen)…and sleep is rushing toward me like Omarion at a dick buffet. today was significantly less dramatic than yesterday. if you’ve been under a rock (or….in Virginia) i’m working in a restaurant @ the Tennis US Open out in Southeast Asia (Queens, NY). Venus and Serena both won their matches…unlike last year (which i captured and documented HERE last summer). Business was pretty steady…nobody got fired or murdered…twas a good day.

a few interesting events:

1. there’s a dishwasher who, after he decides that he’s “cleant enuff dishes to last [yall] awhile”…will simply refuse to wash more until he thinks we should need some. THIS should be an interesting storyline.

2. today, i had an interesting interaction with <THICK SPANISH ACCENT> Laura </THICK SPANISH ACCENT>, a self-proclaimed “head busser”. raised all type of guacamole and frijole hell after i used silverware from her estación to reset one of my tables. “ju can’t be stealing my dishes dat i worrrk hard to clean an poLish para ju tables, Alejandro.” a brief spat ensued. in the end, i walked away from señorita jalapeña, mockingly yelling out, AYE DIOS! girl plz. THIS, too, shall be interesting. i love to instigate a spat…broken english shall only double my pleasure. i’ll keep you posted.

3. there’s a girl i work with…who is perhaps the most disappointing soul I’ve ever encountered. just a nasty, negative, awful spirited black girl. i’ve spent at least 2 hours today mean mugging her and her “hair”, trying to decide whether it came from her scalp or not. my dilemma is, it MUST be real, because no self-respecting girl would PAY to walk around with some raggedy ass TIGHT straw curls…with 345 different shades of brown, and a huge Aaliyah swoop bang with chunk highlights? right? this girl nags about EVERYTHING. i mean…she makes ME look like a pushover. EVERYTHING that happens that she doesn’t approve of, is either racial, fucked up, and/or directed ONLY at her. she walks around with her GD face twisted up, lips pursed, ready to “give it to whoeva, wheneva” if the opportunity presents itself.

and she wears purple lipstick.

anywho, ive been given no choice. after this US Open is over, I, chris.alexander…am going to write in to see if I can arrange for this bitch to have a Jenny Jones makeover. because….she gives me the girl-you’re-dampering-my-day-with-your-unfortunate-fashion-choices-and-shitty-aura blues.

anywho…off to bed dammit.



…i killed Sho-Nuff.

me so sorry.

apparently, the day that I scooped up Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon from Circuit City, Julius Carry, the guy that played the role of Sho-Nuff in the movie….went home to glory. aww lawwwwd, WHY?!?! take me instead, lawd….and so on and so forth.

so…yea, i think i killed him. somehow.

anywho. i’ve soooo much to catch up on. i last blogged three Lil Kim noses ago and so much has happened since then. forgive me. i’ll try to recap as much as possible before i lay it on down for the night.

i’ll start from today. as i mentioned previously, i am working in a restaurant at the Tennis US Open in Queens. i expect to make stoopid paper during the next days. i recently discovered that all of the Newport smoking, box wine drankin’, fuzzy braid wearing social rejects i encountered during the job interview/cattle call were distributed to the dozens of concessions stands, dumping trashcans, or washing dishes. fine by me. my judgemental ass could not IMAGINE 90% of these individuals within 50 feet of consumable food. Ugh. oh, the woes of being uppity. le sigh.

after days of training, our restaurant opened today. day one. chaos everywhere. fucked up orders. skipped orders. miserable self-hating, manless, nappy-haired white women managers from Florida who spend free time moonlighting as dick-sucking vampires, attacking harmless employees in broom closets. and Rhonda.

Rhonda is the server’s assistant assigned to my area of the floor today. a nice woman, i’m sure. violently protruding teeth aside, i’m sure she’s great. (did i mention i’m judgemental?) we introduced ourselves to one another this morning…

me: “hey…i’m Alex. a server. are you my servers’ assistant?”

Rhonda: “mmmhmm. yea, i’m Rhonda. and I don’t know what I’m doing.”


well…needless to say, the day was interesting. chaos, chaos, and more chaos. good money though. white folks with disposable income and black AMEX cards. ugh. more to come on this.

and….a few other tidbits.

spotted these lovebirds in Union Square a few weeks ago.

Her: so fresh and clean displaying those panty draws para todo el mundo.

and him: with the underbite of death. DON’T let this man get a grip on your ankle or fingertip. its a WRAP!

spotted THIS bird in Union Square, with my FAVORITE thing….BLONDE [fake] HURR. oww!!

AND this fool, for daring to be seen with such a fool.

on a recent trip to Alice Mae’s/Bessie Anne’s/Sally Ruth’s or whatever soul food joint in Harlem with Alana, Dre, and Royce….

we spotted Big Mama Mammary Gland (Sherri Sheppard from the View) leaving with her beloved Jeffrey (curly-headed 2 y/o son). my otherwise perfect camera game was lacking this day.

some shots from chasing down rejects in Times Square:

i dunno why i took this….i just thinks he looks insane:

there’s a LOT more to update…but i have to be clocked in and ready to work in 7.5 hours. and 1 of those hours will be spent on a train. oh joy.

later for now fam.

1. save a life. kick a hoodrat.

2. subscribe.


EDIT: and…i just remembered that the miserable ass manager (with the nappy hair) ran up on me screaming  “EARRINGS! EARRINGS! OUT! PLEASE!”. i’m thinking: “girl shut up! we don’t open for another two damn hours.”

and in the hustle and bustle of the damn day…..

i threw away both my earring and bar for my industrial piercing.

and so now my life’s mission is to make her miserable life even more miserable…er.

off to work.

not cool.

nothing cool about this. whitney was wrong…THIS child is not a part of our future.