who? what? where? when? and why the fuck?

i am beyond tired right now. in fact, i can feel each of my vital organs shutting down (there went the spleen)…and sleep is rushing toward me like Omarion at a dick buffet. today was significantly less dramatic than yesterday. if you’ve been under a rock (or….in Virginia) i’m working in a restaurant @ the Tennis US Open out in Southeast Asia (Queens, NY). Venus and Serena both won their matches…unlike last year (which i captured and documented HERE last summer). Business was pretty steady…nobody got fired or murdered…twas a good day.

a few interesting events:

1. there’s a dishwasher who, after he decides that he’s “cleant enuff dishes to last [yall] awhile”…will simply refuse to wash more until he thinks we should need some. THIS should be an interesting storyline.

2. today, i had an interesting interaction with <THICK SPANISH ACCENT> Laura </THICK SPANISH ACCENT>, a self-proclaimed “head busser”. raised all type of guacamole and frijole hell after i used silverware from her estación to reset one of my tables. “ju can’t be stealing my dishes dat i worrrk hard to clean an poLish para ju tables, Alejandro.” a brief spat ensued. in the end, i walked away from señorita jalapeña, mockingly yelling out, AYE DIOS! girl plz. THIS, too, shall be interesting. i love to instigate a spat…broken english shall only double my pleasure. i’ll keep you posted.

3. there’s a girl i work with…who is perhaps the most disappointing soul I’ve ever encountered. just a nasty, negative, awful spirited black girl. i’ve spent at least 2 hours today mean mugging her and her “hair”, trying to decide whether it came from her scalp or not. my dilemma is, it MUST be real, because no self-respecting girl would PAY to walk around with some raggedy ass TIGHT straw curls…with 345 different shades of brown, and a huge Aaliyah swoop bang with chunk highlights? right? this girl nags about EVERYTHING. i mean…she makes ME look like a pushover. EVERYTHING that happens that she doesn’t approve of, is either racial, fucked up, and/or directed ONLY at her. she walks around with her GD face twisted up, lips pursed, ready to “give it to whoeva, wheneva” if the opportunity presents itself.

and she wears purple lipstick.

anywho, ive been given no choice. after this US Open is over, I, chris.alexander…am going to write in to see if I can arrange for this bitch to have a Jenny Jones makeover. because….she gives me the girl-you’re-dampering-my-day-with-your-unfortunate-fashion-choices-and-shitty-aura blues.

anywho…off to bed dammit.




4 responses to “who? what? where? when? and why the fuck?

  1. lmao@ Jenny Jones makeover
    Whats wrong with purple lipstick. Just walk up to her and say, “Girl, you so unique” and watch her blush. lol

  2. AYE DIOS! lol. you ain’t right.

  3. La-OW-rrra….she is gonna take up one of those butter knives and cut your ass if JU don’t stop pickin’ w/her, Alejandro!!

  4. ok…i just read your critical yet quite accurate character descriptions as per the US open employees, and i think i may have just peed a little.

    funny shit.

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