Tag Archives: crazy people

wind & fire.

First off, let me welcome you to my 24th year of life. I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday, and had a very productive day. I had an excellent workout, worked on choreography for a few hours….

…had a fruitless talk with a manager (big, dramatic eye roll), and saw a few of my favorite people on this earth. Good times indeed.

If this coming year are anything like the past few weeks are, I am certain that I’ll have an amazing year. The people that have been placed in my life have had a tremendous impact on me, some good and some bad…but all very necessary.

Some people alter from the course of your life at first sight. Take, for example, the superfly ass specimen I cam across (read: ran down the train platform to have a closer look at) while on the way home.


Consider your life changed.

Now. When This pretty young thing flew past me on the train, my mouth dropped and my heart fell out of my ass. Very few times we are so overwhelmed by a being’s beauty that out breath is ACTUALLY taken away. No words from Alex, only action. I felt compelled to capture this woman’s wonder to share with the world…to give other helpless, lost broads out there something to aspire to. So, I sprinted down the train platform so that I could behold this precious lamb of God. Fuck Beyonce, Tyra, and even Rihanna….THIS is classic, effortless beauty.

I shall call her “Wind & Fire.” There’s nothing Earthly about whatever it is that she exudes, that’s for sure.

Who else do you know that can jump out a window, have their hair (see footnote) get stuck in the air, make all the nail polish fly off one hand, and apply eye shadow with a pink crayon ALL before hitting the ground??? …and STILL look better than any of those so-called “Top Models” you see on TV…with minimal effort??

Surely not that floozie Beyonce.

Hmphf!

What do YOU know about blue nails on one hand,

purple lipstick,

a casually-placed (okay…askew) red wig

and shopping sprees at “BALLERS Clothing and Shoes”???

And what do YOU know about wearing your “going home to be with Jesus” makeup at ALL times JUST in case God calls you home unexpectedly, and to keep yourself one step ahead of these bargain bin skeezers on the block??

Not a damn thing.

Wind & Fire is READY for the runway, the magazine cover….AND the damn coffin. She’s even practicing her legendary, sick ass couture coffin pose while you silly broads listen to ipods, read BOOKS, and other nonsense.

Meanwhile, some of you are still walking around with kinky twists (YEARS beyond those few months in 2005-2006 when they were actually fashionable), unibrows, mismatched, multicolored weave, AND brown gums!!?!??

You want folks to take you seriously…

…AND you expect a man to put a ring on it??

HA!

What do you have to say for yourself?

Good luck, you poor, lost souls.

It’s 2009. Ladies, step your game up. You’ve been warned.

_______

**“their” is used loosely. the jury is still out on whether store-bought hair can actually be considered your hair.

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…i killed Sho-Nuff.

me so sorry.

apparently, the day that I scooped up Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon from Circuit City, Julius Carry, the guy that played the role of Sho-Nuff in the movie….went home to glory. aww lawwwwd, WHY?!?! take me instead, lawd….and so on and so forth.

so…yea, i think i killed him. somehow.

anywho. i’ve soooo much to catch up on. i last blogged three Lil Kim noses ago and so much has happened since then. forgive me. i’ll try to recap as much as possible before i lay it on down for the night.

i’ll start from today. as i mentioned previously, i am working in a restaurant at the Tennis US Open in Queens. i expect to make stoopid paper during the next days. i recently discovered that all of the Newport smoking, box wine drankin’, fuzzy braid wearing social rejects i encountered during the job interview/cattle call were distributed to the dozens of concessions stands, dumping trashcans, or washing dishes. fine by me. my judgemental ass could not IMAGINE 90% of these individuals within 50 feet of consumable food. Ugh. oh, the woes of being uppity. le sigh.

after days of training, our restaurant opened today. day one. chaos everywhere. fucked up orders. skipped orders. miserable self-hating, manless, nappy-haired white women managers from Florida who spend free time moonlighting as dick-sucking vampires, attacking harmless employees in broom closets. and Rhonda.

Rhonda is the server’s assistant assigned to my area of the floor today. a nice woman, i’m sure. violently protruding teeth aside, i’m sure she’s great. (did i mention i’m judgemental?) we introduced ourselves to one another this morning…

me: “hey…i’m Alex. a server. are you my servers’ assistant?”

Rhonda: “mmmhmm. yea, i’m Rhonda. and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

FUCK!

well…needless to say, the day was interesting. chaos, chaos, and more chaos. good money though. white folks with disposable income and black AMEX cards. ugh. more to come on this.

and….a few other tidbits.

spotted these lovebirds in Union Square a few weeks ago.

Her: so fresh and clean displaying those panty draws para todo el mundo.

and him: with the underbite of death. DON’T let this man get a grip on your ankle or fingertip. its a WRAP!

spotted THIS bird in Union Square, with my FAVORITE thing….BLONDE [fake] HURR. oww!!

AND this fool, for daring to be seen with such a fool.

on a recent trip to Alice Mae’s/Bessie Anne’s/Sally Ruth’s or whatever soul food joint in Harlem with Alana, Dre, and Royce….

we spotted Big Mama Mammary Gland (Sherri Sheppard from the View) leaving with her beloved Jeffrey (curly-headed 2 y/o son). my otherwise perfect camera game was lacking this day.

some shots from chasing down rejects in Times Square:

i dunno why i took this….i just thinks he looks insane:

there’s a LOT more to update…but i have to be clocked in and ready to work in 7.5 hours. and 1 of those hours will be spent on a train. oh joy.

later for now fam.

1. save a life. kick a hoodrat.

2. subscribe.

~chris.alexander.

EDIT: and…i just remembered that the miserable ass manager (with the nappy hair) ran up on me screaming  “EARRINGS! EARRINGS! OUT! PLEASE!”. i’m thinking: “girl shut up! we don’t open for another two damn hours.”

and in the hustle and bustle of the damn day…..

i threw away both my earring and bar for my industrial piercing.

and so now my life’s mission is to make her miserable life even more miserable…er.

off to work.